I Am Jennie by Jennie Ketcham

Author:Jennie Ketcham
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Gallery Books

THAT NIGHT IN Vegas kicked off a seven-month cocaine binge. I returned to Vegas for my birthday in February with all of Jeff’s friends, but no Jeff. Allegedly, I had sex with more than one of these friends, a story that I later heard from an angry Jeff sometime after my birthday trip. But because my focus had shifted from Jeff to his best friend, Ted, by this time, I brushed off Jeff’s accusations with a few rails and a drink. Ted, who looked like he walked straight out of Wales with his floppy hair and delicate blue eyes—who got lost in Vegas trying to find the perfect birthday present for me, and who wore sweaters and was clean and sweet and soft and everything I ruined—tried so hard to win me, unaware that I was dissolving into self-loathing and addiction, and there was nothing left to win.

In March, I applied for a scholarship given to daughters and granddaughters of professors, taking advantage of my late maternal grandfather’s longtime position as a statistics professor at San Diego State. I wrote a brilliant essay about how Grandpa Oliver had always helped me with school, and what it would have meant to him if he were alive and still able to help me academically. When I was approved for the scholarship, I went out in Pacific Beach to celebrate, drank Grey Goose and blew lines until dawn, and missed the final interview that would have sealed the deal.

In April, I drove to San Francisco to re-up on the pounds of marijuana that I frequently sold to San Diego weed dealers. I brought down ten pounds with a friend named Sean. Half of the herb was mine and half was his. Because we got back late at night and I wanted to go drinking on Garnet Avenue, a mile and a half of college-oriented bars in San Diego, we agreed that we’d weigh the weed out in the morning, and I let him take all of it into his house. In the morning, he refused to give me the entire five pounds I’d bought, claiming that I was responsible because the hookup he’d purchased the weed from in the Bay had ripped him off. I took my two and a half pounds and tried to sell it off, because I owed my pot dealer girlfriend in Berkeley ten grand. While stressing about doubling my profits and trying to come down from my constant cocaine high, I also smoked a shit-ton of it. Though I paid her nearly all of the money I owed, the few thousand I had left to pay her with went to my cocaine use instead of the weed game. Cocaine is a helluva drug.

In May, Cam broke off our business relationship, saying he couldn’t trust me to show up to shoots, which was definitely true, and a valid reason for him to end things. Over the previous four months he’d booked nearly $20,000 worth of work, and I’d made

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